I’m (42F) with a new partner (38M). I was very flirtatious with him when we got together and he was very reserved. I thought it was just gentlemanly, but have discovered he has a trauma complex due to childhood neglect/ abuse about his self worth where he doesn’t feel he deserves good things. As a result, me giving him a back rub or attention makes him have anxiety. He is very interested in pleasing me, but has very little interest in being pleased himself.

This extends into the bedroom, where he doesn’t articulate what he likes or wants because he doesn’t allow himself to like or want anything because he feels unworthy. He says he was raised by a mom that raised up women and made men feel like shit for even existing, so he’s got mommy issues there. He does see a therapist.

He only wants to please me, and only after I am exhaustively pleased (like 30 orgasms) he will let me know if he may be able to cum. In addition, he has told me that he doesn’t seek out blowjobs because a woman has never made him cum from one before and they always feel bad when they can’t. He is not a porn or masturbation addict, and has had a fair amount of sexual experiences.

Pair this with the fact that he was shot by a bullet in the upper leg and he believes that somehow caused nerve damage for sex. So he says that while he “can” cum, it always takes a long time. I asked if he’d ever tried viagra and if maybe that would help with sensitivity and he said no because from what he knows it would just cause him to last longer.

Edits to Add: I’ve discussed porn, masturbation, and prescriptions with him and he doesn’t use any of those. He says he can go weeks to months without thinking about sex or having an urge for it. When he does have sex, it is for his partner’s pleasure. Ironically, I fell he is very well endowed and he was EXCELLENT in bed. When he does finish, he is quick and quiet about it.*

Anyone have suggestions on anything I can do to help him - whether therapeutic mindsets, physically, or via drugs / prescriptions?