So, I thought you folks might have some ideas. Late 30s, would like to have a family and kids, was engaged, and my partner had a psychotic break in the spring after having a vasectomy reversal. It’s over (his choice). We were to marry in July.

Despite the extraordinary pain and grief around the end of this relationship, this partner helped me a lot with my own feelings around intimacy. I had a very sad divorce after 10 years of marriage at age 30. I had been certain I would never seriously partner again and preferred casual flings w/ the occasional relationship until 6 years later I reconnected with this man, an old friend from many years ago.

Somehow, instead of breaking my heart permanently, the relationship made me realize I am open to love again. We also were extremely sexually compatible. I have an extremely full and wonderful, satisfying life. I did a lot of emotional work after my divorce, and I’m generally a content and happy person, with a deep sexual streak. Prior to this relationship I had planned to have a baby on my own but I realize now I’d really like to do life with somebody.

I’ve always been a very sexual person and honestly not that many guys I’ve dated can keep up with it or appreciate it or be secure with it. I have a hook up now where I feel like I can be truly my full sexual self, and it’s not something I’m willing to give up again. My ex-husband was tolerant, but not super into it — in our later years together he was OK with me having partners outside the marriage, because sex just wasn’t really his thing.

Where do I find someone who prioritizes sex & kink as much as I do but also makes for a good partner? I’ve never really been on the apps for relationships as I tend meet people irl, but I’m wondering if I should put an actual heartfelt profile up on some of the kink apps? All I know about is FetLife.

Like, where do I meet a guy or single father who loves his kids and wants another, doesn’t speak ill of his ex, generally likes his family, is financially and emotionally stable, has a strong community, and really loves kink/swinging/sex? They must be out there, right?

One guy I dated for a year told me that I need to find someone who considered my sexuality a feature and not a bug. So painful! Would really welcome suggestions here or stories on how you met your person.