Hi SO30 folks!

Everything that follows is based on one couple's experiences; I'm not making generalizations here, to be clear.

About 1-2 years ago, when my partner (early 50s, F) really began to experience peri-menopausal symptoms, she remarked how she felt like her orgasms were losing some of their oomph and how that also seem connected with losing clitoral sensitivity (like most women, she needs some level of clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm).

One of the first things we've tried was a warming gel. There are many of these on the market so to be clear, it's a gel, not a lube (you definitely do NOT want to confuse one for the other!).

What warming gels share in common is that they use a mix of ingredients — especially menthol — that can help improve blood flow in a specific topical area. More blood flow can help improve sensitivity and, in turn, boost orgasmic intensity...or at least that's the theory.

If the presence of menthol makes you think "so it's like putting Icy/Hot on your bits?" well, you're correct. That's exactly what it's like except it's not as aggressive and to be very very clear, I do not recommend using Icy/Hot on your bits! A clitoral warming gel is going to be formulated to be a lot gentler than something you'd slather on your sore shoulder muscles.

Pros to the warming gel:

• It does increase sensitivity, enough that I need to be more gentle, at least when I start to go down on her.
• Her orgasms, while not night/day different, do seem stronger.
  
• It seems to increase blood flow; I notice that her clit/hood area feels more engorged after application, above and beyond "normal" (i.e. not using it). I really enjoy that, personally.
• It begins working quickly (few minutes)
• It's more affordable compare to our CBD gel (see below).

Cons:

• It initially burns. Anyone who's used a menthol cream for sore muscles has experienced this. It's not intensely painful or anything, more like momentarily uncomfortable but you'd still have to put up with it for a couple of minutes before the heating effect is replaced by more of a cooling effect. A little pain ---> more pleasure, is the trade off.

• While the wait isn't that long, it's still a wait, and especially because the sensation can be distracting, it's not as easy to "just do other things" while you're waiting for the gel to have its effect.

• Similarly, it's not easy to figure out when to apply it. Ideally, it's after you're somewhat aroused — because the idea of applying a gel that will momentarily cause your clit to feel like it's on (very light) fire definitely doesn't sound that appealing when you're not aroused. But if you're aroused and you apply it and then have to wait a few minutes for it to work, then you're breaking the momentum, potentially. I usually ask "would you like your gel?" after I've already started going down on her but not deep into the process of getting her close to climax.

• Also, while we don't exclusively use it for oral sex, I almost always go down on her after the gel is applied and since we're both kind of impatient, there's always some level of residual gel that I'm lapping up. I find the sensation on my tongue to be lightly numbing. It's not unpleasant nor does it burn but I wouldn't say I enjoy it either. The taste is slightly bitter as well but we've only ever experimented with one brand and I'm sure others might taste different. It doesn't bother me in the least but it's worth noting this.

• It's really for external use. You probably don't want to get much of this inside your vagina since 1) that warming effect may not feel great inside and 2) it'd get transferred to your penis and don't think that warming effect would feel great on your glans.

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  More recently, we tried a CBD gel. Given that we did enjoy using a THC lube in the past, we figured? Hey: why not?

Pros to CBD gel:

• It seems to have similar effects in terms of increasing blood flow, improving sensitivity, and giving orgasms a boost (not a major one, but it's there). And compared to the warming gel...

• ....it doesn't burn. So there's that benefit.

• It has less of a taste and I also don't notice any effects on my tongue but that may have something to do with us waiting longer for its effects to kick in.

• Is safer for internal use. The application for our gel is supposed to be mostly external: clit inner vulva lips. But since it doesn't burn, getting some inside isn't going to make things uncomfortable for either a vagina or penis. The added benefit (maybe) is that it seems to relax the vaginal area more, allowing for deeper penetration (but I hesitate to say that's been consistently true so I'd be (very) careful experimenting around this. Take it slow, always.

• Personally, I think it also makes her wetter which isn't something we noticed with the warming gel. My partner has noticed that natural lubrication has slightly declined during menopause (super normal). Normally, we supplement with lube but that seems less necessary when we're using the CBD gel. About a week ago, she had already started on her HRT (see below) and we also used the CBD gel. I had been going down on her and she asked to climb on top (cowgirl position) and it was so wet that we could hear the "squish" when she pushed herself down on me. I thought that was hot as hell.

In these respects, it has some notable upsides compared to the warming gel, especially the "not burning" part of it. However...

Cons:

• It takes longer to work. Menthol's effects are practically instantaneous (the burning sensation at least). CBD takes longer...they suggest waiting 20-30 minutes. That makes the timing issue even more challenging but again: we don't usually apply it until she's begun to get aroused even if it'd make more sense for her to apply it before we even start foreplay.

• For this reason, my partner is usually 50/50 on whether she wants to use it because she doesn't like the break in momentum to apply and wait (even though we never wait 20-30 minutes, more like 4-5!)

• It's more expensive, roughly 2-3x what a warming gel might run ($30-40 ).

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  Conclusions: Either are worth trying if you're experiencing diminished clitoral sensitivity (or even if you're not!). I think the warming gel is a good place to start if you're looking to dip your toes in because it's affordable and fast-acting (but it burns!)

But overall, I think the CBD gel yields all the same effects and more, minus the burning. Even if it's more expensive, it's not like you're spending a ton of money per use or anything.

(I purposefully didn't name/link to the products I'm talking about because I don't want this to come off like I'm shilling but if anyone wants to know, just ask in the comments below)

Addendum: As I mentioned in the weekly Sex Report, my partner also just started on HRT less than two weeks ago. That's already seeming to have some effects on improving sensation and orgasmic response (and other changes).

As a result, the last few times we've had sex and I've asked if she wants either of her gels, she's said "no" but overall, her sexual experience is as good, if not better. Since the HRT is really new, we don't want to draw conclusions yet. But I did think it was notable that even though she's really enjoyed the effects of the gel, she hasn't felt she needed it to boost her experience now that the HRT is seemingly changing how things feel.

My partner did ask her OBGYN about "scream cream" which is like combining a warming gel HRT in one (depending on the formulation) but this OBGYN felt like it wasn't recommended if she's already starting on HRT but the doctor was talking about scream cream that uses testosterone and that's not always the case because formulations can differ from pharmacy to pharmacy.

My guess is that it's doubtful we'll try scream cream anytime soon, especially if the HRT produces similar effects but I thought it was worth mentioning this as another option, especially for people undergoing menopausal effects.