I enjoy sex a lot. So does my SO. But I'm her first, and she's my first. We've never been with anyone else, and we've been together monogamously for 12 years. How do I know if either of us is good at sex? It seems the simple answer would be, "Does it feel good? Do you enjoy it? If so, then you're good!".

But here's a comparison. You're going to make bread for the first time, and you've NEVER eaten bread before. You know the ingredients (who doesn't?) But you don't really have a recipie, you don't know the ingredient proportions, the temp to cook it at, the length of time to cook it at, etc. Maybe you make your first loaf and taste it and say, "Hey, that's not bad!!" And you really mean it. But then, a week later, someone gives you a piece of artisan sougherdough fresh from the oven of the best bakery in the city. Now, in retrospect, you realize the bread you made was absolute rubbish. That bakery was working with the knowledge of hundreds of years of breadmaking skills that have been refined and passed down through generations. How could you possibly compete with that through trial and error?

I guess my question is, if you've never been with anyone else, how do you know if things can be better? How can you get better? How can you improve? How can you know what you don't know?

I loved kissing my first girlfriend in college. I love kissing my SO too, but it's decidedly less enjoyable (even since the beginning), even though I love her loads more than i ever loved, my ex. I don't particularly love blowjobs. I love them in theory, but they never feel amazing. I only get one every couple months to begin with, but in the 12 years we've been together, she's made me come from a BJ...4 times, I think? I absolutely LOVE going down on her, but she's never come from it (I understand that some women can't). She's never watched porn and she never masturbated before we met, so she doesn't know her body or what she likes sexually (she would agree with me). She's very open to talking about sex, but since she's not very sure about what she even likes, it's only so helpful. I've suggested mindful masturbation, but it seems she's not particularly interested in putting in that work.

All that is to explain why I feel like there might be a lot of room for improvement, but I'm not sure how.

Any thoughts?