Yes, according to Sister Mary Catherine. I spent my early years in catholic school. The sisters were quite clear on who would go to heaven and who would spend eternity in damnation and hell. You miss mass, you go to hell. You don’t go to confession, you go to hell. You don’t go to catholic school, you’re a heathen and you go to hell. You masturbate, you go to hell. I was scarred for life.

Hot and cold. Hot and cold. Every time I masturbate I feel a great relief and it feels really good, but at the same time, I feel really guilty for committing sin. Sister Mary Catherine scarred me for life. To this day I still feel like I have to hide when I masturbate and I’m going to go to hell.

For people like me who struggle with this guilt trip laid onto me from years of indoctrination from the powers that be, here is an adaptation from a book I’m reading that I’m finding to be very helpful. It’s titled “Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy” by Tina Schermer Sellers.

Healing Sexual Shame

Many Christians struggle to let go of the mandates that have wounded them. But the process of writing a new, sex-positive story that honors their faith while also having their story heard by an empathic and compassionate person is just the beginning of the process. Here’s a four-step process that can be used to conceptualize the healing of religious sexual shame: frame, name, claim, and aim.

1. Frame involves a client receiving the framework of sex education that they have never had before.

2. Name is the process of getting their story heard and accepted by someone who cares for them.

3. Claim has to do with claiming one’s body in all of its wonderful, unique aspects, undoing any harmful messages inherited from religion and culture.

4. Aim is the process of beginning to write a story of where they are going, what they now believe, and what their legacy is going to become.

These four processes may need to be visited over and over and walking through them can be like untangling a tightly wound knot. But in time, with patience and love, the body and heart will free themselves from all of the shame and hurt that have kept someone from experiencing joy.