I’ve always been pretty comfortable in my sexuality. It’s simply an enjoyable activity to take part in, but it has no correlation to who I am or what I’m worth as a person. It’s an experience, not a performance.

I’m starting to sense that this is not how most people engage with sex. For many people it’s about validation and feeding the ego. If they don’t feel good about their bodies or themselves they’ll avoid sex.

Recently, I’ve had partners express their embarrassment over their penis size, their semi-flaccid erection, not being able to make me cum, and a whole host of other things (For the record, I don’t feel it’s my partner’s responsibility to make me orgasm, also orgasm isn’t the focus of sex for me) . It’s starting to become a bit annoying because my partners will decide to not have sex with me or just ghost because they feel insecure.

I’m shocked that as much as everyone seems to hype up sex so many people are suffering in silence. Is this true? Does insecurity stop people from having more sex?