Hey there! Your question and emotions are totally valid. So! I’m m32, husband to an incredible 28f wife. I’m also a paramedic so my knowledge of anatomy and physiology is in depth. Let’s get to it. My first initial response to this is no, you’re not too tight. Let me explain a little. I am 6’0, 205lbs and about 8.5in down there. My wife is 5’1, 105lbs, and we both lift 6-7 days a week, so not only is she petite, but the extra muscle makes her tighter. We have no issues in bed, but that’s because of the most amazing thing in the world that a lot of partners seem to lack these days. Foreplay. Foreplay is so critical, esp for women. It creates a process called vaginal tenting, which internally dialates the vaginal canal 2-3 inches to better accommodate a finger, toy or penis. I spend about 30-45 minutes on foreplay with my wife. Full body; every erogenous zone, and then oral and fingers to give her an orgasm, and then penetration. That process makes the vagina pink, puffy, lubricated and “tented”. If these parthers were not a turn on for you, tenting becomes harder to achieve, and if they’re not using proper foreplay, it’s harder to achieve. Lube is gold, but proper foreplay is priceless. Vagniusmus is a condition where the vagina is excessively tight due to a pathological anatomical reason, but that doesn’t come and go like your experience seems to. Because of the fluctuation on your partners abilities, I’d say it’s them; not you. I’ve no doubt you’re likely tight as you’re suggesting, but it’s typically also used as an excuse by males when they orgasm to quickly or have trouble inserting due to lack of lubrication and foreplay. I hope that makes sense! I’m happy to clarify as needed!

Also porn is very unrealistic. It’s never a single session like the videos show. I’ve done a small amount of adult videos in my past, and they do multiple tales for each scene to ensure everything is good, and typically have to reset if the woman gets sore, or the man looses an erection ect. That stop aid go creates a (temporary) loosening of the vaginal muscles, creating that depiction. Of course, the muscles spring back same or next day however.