Hey there. Take what I say with a grain of salt since I’m a male. 32m here with a 28f wife. I’m only answering based off what I personally know about sex and sexuality, which can be different for everybody. So let’s get to it!

First off, I will say that there is nothing wrong with self pleasure. Masturbation is normal and natural and has gone hand in hand with sexuality since mankind has existed. Zero shame in it. Puritan, religious values has us believing it’s dirty, but it’s not. It’s normal. One of the most exciting, natural and novel aspects of being human is exploring sex and sexuality.

So! I will say that personally, nothing beats having someone else please you. It just feels different, more sensitive and enhanced. And it’s all great if you find someone who just happens to hit the bingo spots and knows what they’re doing, but every body is different, including yours, and most of the time our partners need guidance on how to please us specifically, so that’s where knowing your own body comes into play.

I suggest taking time to really explore. First off find what gets you turned on. Find what type of porn or imagery or imagination you enjoy that really gets you turned on. Watch your vaginal response as you get there. In the end when you’re fully turned on, you’ll notice your vagina is pink, puffy and lubricated. This is called vaginal tenting, and it’s how you KNOW you’re truly ready for penetration. Pinky, puffy and lubricated. Anything prior and your partner needs to go back to foreplay. But speaking of, I’d suggest starting with just your hands. Explore the labia majora and minora, explore the clit, and the hood, which is where the most nerves reside. Experiment with pressure and speed, but I also suggest buying lubrication as it can really make a difference in friction. 80% of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, so maybe look up some videos of masturbation styles and practice so you can get the hang of what feels good for you specifically. You can experiment with vaginal penetration with your fingers, but I’d suggest looking up g-spot stimulation instead of just in and out motions with your fingers. Your g-spot is 2-3 inches on the top vaginal wall. It feels ribbed and spongy. That’s an internal extension of your clit, and with both clitoral and g-spot stimulus, you may find an orgasm easier to hit. Toys are your friend though! My wife didn’t have her first orgasm until she was 21, and she used a toy to get there. Wands, vibrators and clit suckers work the best in my experience with my wife. Don’t turn it on full blast right away, it’s intense. Enjoy and experiment. All of this will be second nature someday, so take your time to enjoy exploring it. I will add that when and if you want to experiment with it, adding anal pleasure to clitoral stimulation works amazingly for my wife, and may be worth experimenting with if you’re comfortable with it, but take things one at a time. Be safe and use lube.

Edit: There is endless literature and video examples you can look up for reference on technique or examples. Both scientific studies and recreational material.