Hey there! So first off you’re totally okay asking this. Your needs and emotions are valid. Let’s tackle this. M32 here, paramedic and husband to an amazing 28f wife. So! Communication is the foundation for any relationship. Nothing changes without it. This is especially true in a sexual context. So, if you want something, you have to let him know specifics. For example, watch a video on how to finger properly. On top of that, explain the anatomy and physiology behind it. For example, 2-3 inches on the anterior (top) vaginal wall is the g-spot. Just fingering in and out does very very little. The purpose for fingering is vaginal dialation, and to stimulate the g-spot or a-spot (a spot is 5-6 inches in on the top wall). It feels textured and ribbed, and the “come hither” motion is directly to stimulate it. Watch a video with him and ask him to try it during foreplay next time.

As for your orgasms, I get it. My wife didn’t have her first orgasm until she was 21 and no other partners aside from me have given her an orgasm before. Usually women are very particular in how they reach orgasm, everyone is different. For my wife I spend 30-45 minutes on foreplay before penetration, and at the end of that, I give her an orgasm, and then do penetration. I usually do full-body foreplay with focus on erogenous zones, followed by fingers and oral to orgasm. That said, I use toys now and then too, and I implement toys during penetration. Like your boyfriend, I find it hot. The noises and faces are hot, but I understand your embarrassment. Try your best to work through it. Put on some background noise or turn the lights off so you can focus on the pleasure rather than your thoughts. It takes time but that’s okay. Certainly that’s amplified by antidepressants, but it’s still very doable and it’s okay that it takes a while. It feels like an amazing achievement to make my partner reach an orgasm(s), so don’t deny your partner the ability to do so if you’re ready for it, you know? I love love love giving my partner head, as I’m very much so a giver too. It sounds like he may not be doing it for very long because of either your nerves or him being new to this and not understanding how to do it right, as in he may be self conscious too. It helps to create sessions just to try things. Like a foreplay session just to tease the different erogenous zones to see how powerful they are/feel, or a session just to finger to show him how to get the hang of it, or just for oral so you can instruct him on how exactly you like it, pressure, speed ect and to give him the chance to practice finding your clit or implementing fingering or toys at the same time. Practice and communication are key. If you want me to clarify anything or break down any techniques, I’d be more than happy to.