Hey there! 32m here, paramedic. 28f wife of 7 years. First up, absokurely yes an orgasm is a mindset for most women. They can spontaneously happen, but orgasms, real orgasms are a process. Every body is different and learning yours is important. Be it with your fingers or a toy, learning what feels good, what rhythm, what speed and pressure is all key, as that road leads to an orgasm, and the ability for you to tell future partners what to do to get you there. It’s totally okay to explore that and find out for yourself. I do recommend a toy, a clit sucker works best for my wife, but a vibrator is still good (the rose is a popular one). Most women can’t orgasm from penetration alone, so clitoral stimulus is key. You can add penetration to clitoral stimulation if you’d like. My only other major suggestion is set and setting. Make whatever space you’re using comfy. Make sure you have downtime, and toss on some music in the background. The music helps distract from inner-thoughts and can hopefully lead you down that path easier where you can just relax and be in the moment to find out what works well for you