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So I (21F) have had sex probably 3 times in my life. I’ve hooked up with a guy once when I was 17, and 2 girls when I was 20. All of those times I’ve been extremely drunk to be honest. I just have the issue that I can’t take myself seriously. In such situations I feel like I have issue of cringing at myself instead of allowing myself to relax and enjoy it.
I just don’t know how to change my mindset, that’s my issue. The only reason I feel like this is relevant now is because I’m talking to a guy for the first time in ages and things are going relatively good between the two of us.
We have in common that we don’t have really big sex drives, which I think is good. I just don’t know how to stop cringing at myself and making situations awkward. I just think it’s harder because he has waaaaaay more experience than me. Given that I’ve only had very basic, boring sex with one guy 4 years ago.
I guess I just need advice on how to relax? Enjoy it rather than being awkward and feeling like everything I do is cringe.
Hey there! So first off, your questions are valid. As are your emotions. Kudos for wanting to improve for yourself. So to be blunt, it sort of sounds like you have some trauma or issues to work through. Whatever that cringe stems from needs to be addressed, because it’s almost like you’re feeling you as who you are, don’t deserve to have someone lust after you, or that you’re not allowing yourself to really lust after someone else. As someone with audhd, and some trauma, I also have a hard time with it. It took a while to unpack and re-write my mindset so I could at least work on proper flirting and dirty talk. Getting used to the scripts helps, as I’m getting more practice with it. You’re allowed to have these things as much as anyone else, your experience prior doesn’t matter. You’re in a new situation and deserve the good things that come from it. Self-awareness and the ability to let yourself practice are key up front
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Especially if you’re autistic too! That mixed with trauma will 100% give you adverse reactions to these new situations. Try to approach it like that, and make tiny changes over time. Communicating this with him, like you did for us, would help your partner understand greatly too, so he could also better adapt for you.