Hey so I’m M35 and my wife is F30. I’ve known for the entirety of our 10 year relationship she’s got a lot more experience than I do in this department, a lot due to the things she experienced growing up. She’s used sex before as a transaction when she was homeless so there’s a lot of trauma there. She is in therapy, but it’s general therapy for things like depression, anxiety, and PTSD. My wife is pan and has had a few bisexual experiences before and I just recently (within the last 2-3 years) realized I was bi. The issue arises whenever my sexuality is brought up in any way. She is fine with other guys who are bi or gay, and she’s fine with same sex relations, and very accepting of everyone. Except when it comes to me, for some reason. This isn’t something I try to push, unless the conversation goes in that direction. For example, about a week or so ago we were talking about our wildest sexual fantasies so I disclosed a few of mine. Nothing we hadn’t touched on before and nothing crazy—just a bi MMF threesome is at the top of my list. At the time, she was like yeah that sounds really fun! So we started talking about how we’d find the other guy and our conversation kinda ended around there as we were pulling in our friend’s driveway. Anyway. So last night I was trying to plan something and have a little fun with her. She told me lately she had been neglected so all day I ramped up the teasing, and told her in detail what I wanted to do that night. Even said maybe we’ll even break out the toys. So before dinner, I went to the bedroom, and was setting things up. As far as I knew, she was completely on board as she’d acknowledge my teasing and tease back or say she’s looking forward to it, etc. As I’m getting a few toys out, I’m cleaning them to make sure everything is clean and ready to be used if It went that direction. I’m making the bed, getting mood lighting ready, all of it. She walks in while I’m setting things up and immediately freaks out. She doesn’t really say anything and I told her I’m getting things set up and out in case we want to use any of these. She just says ok and walks away. After dinner, we watch a little tv and she wants to have a talk. She said seeing all the toys and stuff out made her feel pressured and overwhelmed. She said she understands what I was going for, but it had the opposite effect. Understandable, I get that. And then we start talking about other things, like the kinks and things I’m into and she says that those things all make her uncomfortable. I’m paraphrasing here but you get the idea. She’s known for the entirety of our relationship that I’m into a lot of things and she told me that she just can’t do them. She said she understands that I have fantasies and kinks and all that, but she wishes I didn’t. She says that if she had her way, I would be 100% straight with no kinks and fantasies that deviate from the plain, “normal”, vanilla variety. She admitted that it wasn’t fair for her to be this way, since she has kinks and fantasies that I’m more than willing to help her with, no matter what they are (and she knows this). She went on to say that it was perfectly ok for women to be with another woman, and for her to have had bisexual adventures, and it’s fine for other guys to have these adventures with guys, but she hates that I am bi and want to experience these things. I’ve told her and tried to reassure her that I love her and I want to be with her, and want to walk this life that we’ve built, together. I’ve told her that even if I’d experience these things, there would be no way I’d throw away what we have. I’ve told her there’s no way I’m going to do these things without her permission, and that I’d prefer if we could experience something like a MMF threesome together. She says she’s probably never going to be okay with it and she realizes it’s not fair to me, but that’s just the way it’s going to be. Which is fine. I’d rather never have these experiences than lose her. However, there’s a deeper issue here that I’m really unsure of how to address. Because I’m into pegging and she isn’t, occasionally I’ll just take care of those urges myself. Not involving her (per her request), but she says that she doesn’t even want me doing that. If she had it her way, she would make sure I couldn’t even look at porn of it. It almost feels like she’s trying to force me into a box, and that I’m not allowed to have individuality or fantasies or kinks that don’t align with what she likes, but she’s free to expand her box as much as she wants. I’ve never told her “no” to anything she seriously wanted to try, and she knows I more than likely never would. But it almost seems like when it comes to sex, it’s all about what she wants, what she desires, and she couldn’t care less about what her partner wants. I’m not saying that she has to fulfill my every desire; consent is very important to me and if she doesn’t want to do something, then that’s fine. Sure I may ask about it occasionally but if she says no, that’s the end of it and that’s fine. Last night she even said that she feels like she may be becoming Asexual, that any interest in anything to do with sex had been the furthest thing from her mind lately. It’s just a bit confusing to me is all. Anyway, so the advice I’m looking for is how to best support her and our relationship. Any advice you can give, I’d appreciate! I’m just curious if this is something anyone else has experienced and if so, how you resolved it.