33M/27F

I'm not quite sure what to do. Nothing has changed in regards to diet or anything. He's not a cheater or anything, is open about everything.

I'm convinced he's just not attracted to me anymore, but he swears and begs me to not believe that. He calls me sexy day to day, is always very grabby I have to kind of tell him to back off and so on and so forth. But I just am finding it harder and harder to believe he's attracted to me.

It started a few months back. He would get soft during sex sometimes, which is completely fine. Yes it's disappointing but I ALWAYS have tried to just move on from it and act like it hasn't happened, or kiss him, suck him, blow him until he's hard again. He always got really down on himself every time it happened, despite my encouragement and telling him I have no issue with it. But as this kept happening, he kept getting more and more discouraged every time it happened.

We are now at a point where we haven't had sex in about 2-3 months. We've masturbated next to each other, masturbated each other, performed oral on each other, been intimate with each other (more on that in a second). We've done plenty.

As for intimacy, I thought maybe that was the issue, like we didn't have a strong physical connection like we used to. So at night I set aside some time for us to cuddle naked, to have long kissing sessions, to just exist in each other's arms. We both get really aroused from it of course. The first time we did it, though, he got really sweaty and burning hot. I asked what was wrong, he said he was worried. I assured him that I didn't want any sex and he instantly relaxed and went along with the intimacy sessions.

This has done some brutal damaged my self-esteem. and I genuinely don't have much left. I want my partner to find me attractive, but the only way I can protect my self-esteem at this point is to "act like" I don't care. "Oh there are other men that would find me attractive, don't worry, I know I'm not really my boyfriend's 'type' but there are plenty of other men that find my sexy if he doesn't". But I do care. I want to be his one and only type. He has said as much over and over and over again. He's said it even when I didn't ask for affirmations.

He gave several reasons and idk, I kind of don't buy any of them. "It's my porn consumption" "it's my bad fitness". Well... all of those things were the same back when we had great sex. The only thing that has changed would be me, I guess. I gained some weight just in the past month or so but not much to make a MASSIVE difference. And that's what is leading me to think he is not attracted to me, no matter how much he convinces himself that he is. I mean really, he goes to great lengths to prove that he is... and he does get hard when we interact intimately. It's really just during sex that we have this issue.

It's killing me. What do we even do at this point?

tl;dr: partner has lost the ability to stay hard during sex. I am always encouraging when that happens and pretend it doesn't happen, or move on as normal. He is very hard on himself. We haven't had sex in 2-3 months for that reason. I've done all that I think I can do. I believe it's because he's not attracted to me, but he swears to the moon and back that it's not it, and thinks it could be his porn consumption or his lack-of-fitness. We are great with each other, but this has put a huge damper on things.

He adores me more than I deserve. So I know this is killing him too.