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Slept with my best friend/crush. We dated 6 years. It ended badly. I can’t stop thinking about him when getting off
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21F here. I liked this guy in highschool and we hit it off really well. He was a good guy for a couple years but then increasingly got more abusive. He was my first kiss and I lost my virginity to him. We have since broken apart due to his abuse and I haven’t talked to him in over a year now. But I can’t stop thinking about him for some reason. I don’t want to get back together with him logically. But deep down everytime I think about sex, or when I am enjoying myself, I always think of him and I can’t get him out of my head. I haven’t experienced this with anyone else I have fooled around with. I am pretty conservative when it comes to the men I choose. I don’t like and I will never partake in hookup culture. I am more emotional when it comes to sex. But for some reason, this guy won’t escape my mind. Anyone else experience this?

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Thanks for the reply. I appreciate your recommendation and I have considered it. Only issue is I am living with my parents currently until I graduate and it’s very hard to consider therapy since they would know about it.

I’ve been having lots of emotional problems and disconnection due to the fact I can’t bring up my thoughts and whats concerning me a lot of the time because no one in the house will understand or just tell me to get over it. My sleep has been incredibly inconsistent and it’s effecting my health and I’m not sure what to do anymore.

I went through the abuse by myself without anyone knowing and I am beating the burden of it alone as well.

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3 years ago