So I still have a sex life and when we do it it’s good, so I am aware I am speaking from a position of privilege in relation to some users of this site.

We were lucky in that we were really sexually compatible and my OH if anything had an even higher libido than me. So our early days together were just full on sex, if either of us wanted it the other one was usually up for it, if they weren’t they were happy to indulge while the other masturbated (often joining in).

This went on for years and years, until kids really, after which her sex drive at first fell dramatically, then ebbed and flowed from quite high to very low. Mine has also dropped from needing a minimum of an orgasm every other day (usually more) to 2-3 times a week. We both still masturbate on the increasingly rare occasions we are home alone.

I was thinking about what I miss: I miss the fact that either of us could literally say “Will you make me cum before I go to the shops/get up/tidy up?” And it would just happen. I miss her jerking me off in the car or telling me she masturbated at work or on the train. I miss her sharing erotica with me and telling me it made her cum. I miss blow jobs to completion. Above all I miss the absolute openness and confidence to ask, to try it on without the gut punch of being turned down, which often stops me trying.

Yes we have talked about this, yes we still love each other, yes we still ha e sex, masturbate together, talk about sexual fantasies when in the mood. But I miss the heady days - and equally, am thankful they went on as long as they did.