Hello helpful redditors, thanks for previous advice replies. Here is my (M/53/bi) question:

I am looking for sex without expectation of a commitment to ongoing monogamous partnership. I am looking for sex that gets right to the point and doesn't involve a long courtship. I am looking for people who interest me, who I care about and feel a connection with, who I could maybe consider as a friend (though I already have friends and am not necessarily, looking for more). I am looking for someone who will be open to ongoing sex even without partnership or commitment. I am looking for someone open to sex, but also not ruling out something ongoing or committed if that emerges naturally, but I'm not sure if want to be monogamous or polyamorous. I'm very turned on by peoples' minds and creativity, and by sex-positive, proactive, empowered people.

I tend to make warm emotional connections with many close friends. I wouldn't hesitate to have sex with them if they wanted just as I wouldn't hesitate to trade a back massage as long as our friendship wasn't negatively impacted, if that makes sense.

I am not looking for alcohol driven sex. I don't want a one night stand or sex with someone I don't genuinely like or care about. I don't want to decide to have sex with someone just because it's getting late at the bar or party. I don't want sex with someone who doesn't seem emotionally available or involved. I'm bisexual and don't want sex with a "bi-phobe" or someone who questions my sexuality. I'm open to sex with women mostly and also men and trans people. I'm not looking just for an attractive body (although I'm athletic and healthy), I'm looking for someone who is sexually empowered. I'm also not looking just for fun and pleasure - I consider sex to be healing and nourishing and to have a spiritual side to it, and I have explored tantra and sexual yoga. I don't have any specific "kinks" but I'm open to exploring or checking out kink if the person I'm with is.

My problem is that when I hear the phrase "casual sex" I hear something different than what I am looking for. I have a difficult time communicating clearly what I want and I'm not sure where to go searching for it. I feel that the people who value emotional connection an openness to ongoing relating don't relate to the "casual" part, and the people who want "casual" sex seem to like alcohol and being disconnected and jumping on to the next person.

I should also say that I have pretty much /always/ had this orientation to my sexuality. I think I'm polyamorous except that the poly community seems to focus on commitment not the "casual" part? I've also been in monogamous relationships that have been wonderful as long as the sexual connection is good - but the monogamy has been my partner's preference where I would be fine also as poly / open. My sexuality fits a bit more in the gay male world, but but my bisexuality has usually made it difficult to feel welcomed by gay men, who are still figuring out how to not be biphobic.

I think I might need an alternate term to "casual sex" for what I'm looking for? I don't know, maybe I fit into some category these days, maybe this is actually a sexual orientation? I've really appreciated the cuddle party world and the polyamory world but have struggled to find my place or know how to define myself (I don't like the word "define" here but you get the point - how to authentically and honestly express who I am and what I need in the world).

To complicate my question, I also recognize I have a trauma history, and am open to changing my sexuality should my trauma healing process lead there. So for example I might one day discover I really just need to be with men because my trauma has been internalize homophobia, or one day I might discover the opposite, or one day I might discover the trauma is actually causing fear of commitment. I'm skeptical I'd make such a huge shift or discovery, but to be honest, I'm open to it.

Any help appreciated!