So this is my first time posting so if I do it wrong or write something I shouldn't please let me know.

A little background. I'm 42 and have been married for almost 20 years (been with him for 24). We are getting divorced. My husband hasn't been with me since my son was conceived and my son is 4 now and even then I couldn't get my husband off so I felt like crap. This has not been our only drought....

Now that I'm meeting people after texting them for a few weeks we have done things... hand jobs or even sex. I so desperately wanted validation that I am attractive, someone wants me, and I can satisfy someone. But then I feel so guilty the next day. Like I'm cheap or a slut.

I do talk with them after and usually go out with them again so I do not feel like these are one night stands. I genuinely like the guys. I am not seeing multiple guys at one time.

I talked with someone I am meeting tonight and we sort of talked about this. He said that we are adults and if something happens it happens. He won't think less of me.

Don't get me wrong I love what I am doing... It's just the next day.

Am I just stuck in an old mind set and this isn't how other people feel?

Thanks and sorry for the long post.

[Update] - Thank you so much everyone for replying. It is very validating to hear that so many other people have also struggled with these conflicted feelings. It makes me feel more "normal" whatever that means.

I also appreciate people other people's point of view on the subject.

I can feel ok that being into a guy and doing stuff the first time we meet isn't a bad thing. That I can believe they will respect me.. .and if not then it's good they are gone anyway.

And it is MY choice. And so far I have responsibly been making it.

Once again . Thanks