I've always been rather naive, very private, and easily embarrassed, so I never learned much about sex. My lack of knowledge has nothing to do with religion, I was just a very late bloomer (not actually being interested in boys till I was 18), so I'm a very eager learner, while also being very clumsy in both timing and technique. My boyfriend is super pervy and has no shame, and is taking great joy in being the one to "teach me" about sex.

Overall, I'd say our sex life is decent. I mean, the sex is amazing (first guy to get me there) but sometimes I feel like my BF takes some things to the wrong kind of extreme. Like we've determined that I'm very submissive. I want to be held down and told what to do, but I'm still actively participating. And my BF does like the control, by sometimes he goes on and it turns into a turnoff.

Now this isn't a "he's too rough and ignored safe word" type thing. We don't do that kind of rough and aren't interested. His way of control is more making me come to him yada yada, which sometimes is fun, but recently, a lot of the time is feeling like pulling teeth. Specifically, I'm tired of always being the one who has to initiate.

But that's still not even the issue that's bringing me to ask your advice.

Due to circumstances, I had to fly away for the past few weeks. Our ratio ship started as long distance, so it's nothing really new to us. But I have gotten braver since we were last this far apart. Meaning setting and offering pictures isn't out of my realm anymore.

The other night, we were text flirting while both getting ready to take showers. I asked for pics with an offer of 1:1. I asked for a shirtless pic, and he got a shirtless pic. Seems fair. Then I asked what he wanted to see next. He responded that that was a cop out and I needed to tell him. May I remind you at this point that this is all VERY NEW to me and I have little to NO idea what to ask for. I made a stab in the dark request, got a mediocre picture, and he still refused to throw me a born and give a suggestion/request of his own. He wanted me to come up with every request.

Instantly turned off.

Really. After the third time of me asking him what he wanted/ suggestion, I know longer cared at all. It felt like pulling teeth to get him involved. Like, if he was as into it as I was, he should be participating too. At first it was fun and kinda teasing, like playing hard to get, but isn't it kinda common knowledge that if you play hard to get to long, the player gets bored and moves on?

The really shitty thing, and I'm not even sure if it's rational, understandable, or fair, is that things like that, where he doesn't seem to care if I can engage or not, and the lack of him ever initiating (and I mean, I can't remember the last time if ever that he initiated) is starting to do a number on my self esteem. Like, I feel like he's not really attracted to me at all. I know he loves me, and I know personality is way more important to him, but being WANTED by my SO is important to me and I feel like I'm not getting it anymore.

Idk. Am I naively blowing things out of proportion? And if not, can someone please give me advice on how to approach this topic? I don't want to go into a deep conversation emotionally charged, so a basic script idea would be most helpful.