I (31F) have been with my boyfriend (36M) for almost 5 years now, and things have been steadily declining in our sex life. When we first started dating, our chemistry felt great, and we were both passionate and engaged in our intimacy. However, over time, a number of issues have started to pop up, and it’s really starting to take a toll on both me and the relationship.

I’m the person he lost his virginity to, so I’ve been with him from the beginning of his sexual experience. But, for context, I’ve never had an orgasm during sex. I’ve brought it up with him multiple times, and while he seems to understand, it always feels like the conversation gets brushed aside or doesn’t get the attention it deserves. I know this is sensitive, and I never want to make him feel bad about it, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult for me. I’ve tried different things—asking him to focus on foreplay, different positions, etc., but nothing seems to really change. I don’t feel the same connection during sex, and honestly, I feel frustrated and disconnected. It’s hard not to wonder if he feels the same way.

On top of that, we’ve been dealing with some physical issues. Over the past several months, my boyfriend has been struggling with getting and maintaining an erection. Sometimes, it’ll be fine at first, but then he loses his hardness quickly, or he can't stay hard at all. There have also been several instances where he’s ejaculated too early, which only adds to the frustration. I completely understand that sexual performance can be unpredictable, but I feel like it’s happening more often now, and we’re not really addressing it. It makes both of us feel like something is wrong, and it puts a strain on our intimacy. I’ve been as supportive as I can, but I feel like we need to have a more serious conversation about it, and I don’t know how to bring it up in a way that doesn’t make him feel even more anxious or embarrassed.

Lately, I’ve noticed that he’s stopped initiating sex altogether. He used to be more affectionate and proactive, but now it feels like I’m the only one trying to make things work. It’s left me feeling really rejected and confused. When I try to bring it up with him, he just seems distant and doesn’t really offer a solution or even talk about it openly. It’s like he’s avoiding the topic, and I’m starting to wonder if he’s frustrated or disconnected too but doesn’t know how to address it.

At this point, I’m not sure how to move forward. I love him, and I want to be there for him, but the lack of intimacy and connection is starting to impact other areas of our relationship. I don’t want to make him feel ashamed, but I also don’t want to keep ignoring the issue. I’m wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar—how did you approach the situation? Did you seek therapy or professional help? Should I have a deeper conversation with him about how this is affecting me emotionally as well as physically?

Any advice, personal experiences, or suggestions on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much for reading and for any guidance.