My wife and I have been married 14 years. I’m 34 and she’s 32. We had kids young and now have many kids together. For the last 8 months I was unable to have sex due to a medical issue where I physically couldn’t and it hurt physically. I will admit I should have pleased her in other ways but I didn’t and I can’t change that. Now that I’m able to have sex again she has friend zoned me and doesn’t see me as a sexual partner anymore. She still loves me and we don’t want a divorce as it’s not fair to our kids to put them through that but she also just can’t get into sex with me.

There’s some other baggage that is also contributing to the story of why she doesn’t want to have sex with me but it’s too much to type here and the main goal of this post is to figure out how to get her into me again or what to do so we’re pleased sexually.

For the duration of our marriage I’ve been tired all the time for no reason, very little libido (while we had sex many times and she was into it it wasn’t bad but my libido is much stronger now), no motivation etc and I’ve went to doctors countless times to get help and they all say I’m fine and just have depression. I’ve been on SSRIs and other depression medications that didn’t help with any of those issues. Recently I found testosterone replacement therapy and it’s truly been life changing. I have more desire and libido than ever and it just really hurts that I’m throwing myself at my wife not entirely because I’m horny but because I actually desire sex with her. I’ve tried touching her, feeling her up, etc but she just says she isn’t into it and it’s not like it used to be.

We’re planning to do therapy and she’s okay with still trying to have sex even if it’s more duty sex to her but maybe it’ll one day spark a connection and I won’t be friend zoned.

In the heat of all of this it came out that I don’t make her feel feminine in the bedroom because she’s bigger than me. I’m short and smaller and she’s a little taller and a sexy bbw with a mom body that’s amazing in my eyes. She says my height had never been an issue but if we were divorced she would go for someone taller and bigger built than her. So this stings a lot to me. She says people date people that aren’t they’re type all the time. So expressed she wants to be man handled and tossed around in bed and she can’t see that with me due to my size.

I have explored the cuckold idea as I was told elsewhere that it could be a solution where I get off at the thought of her with another man either watching it or hearing about it and she gets to have sex that she enjoys and it’s a win win. I get aroused at the idea but she isn’t really into it because she says she’s a loyal wife and faithful to me and even with my blessing she would feel weird about it. She also commented that it would be a last resort and that would be counter productive to help us connect sexually which I kind of agree with.

So what can I do besides continue to touch her, tell her I want her, have sex with her even if she isn’t super horny and into it? I do help with our kids and feel I’m a good helpful husband and I work a stable job, etc. I don’t want to lose her and want to make this work. Any advice?