I’m extremely confused about my sexuality. I will try to keep this concise.

I have always had a same-sex fetish for as long as I can remember. The fetish (I guess by definition) doesn’t involve genitals and therefore leaves me a little confused about what to “do” about it. It does involve the human body (it’s not a material fetish or clothing fetish). I Was celibate for most of my youth due to this as well as not feeling sexually attracted to anyone the way my peers were. I’ve always projected myself as straight/denied being gay to avoid unwanted attention. At 23 I decided I needed to “be straight” and started a relationship and lost my virginity to a woman. The sex was ok but wasn’t “thrilling” or particularly satisfying. We broke up after a year and half and I had one other sexual encounter with a woman a couple of years later when I was 26.

At 27 I had like a mental breakdown and came out as gay to some close family members. I thought my problems would be solved, but that hasn’t been the case… I’ve started dating men and 99% of gay sex is not hot or fun for me. I am uninterested in topping or bottoming, and I’m uninterested in performing oral. Receiving oral isn’t really that interesting to me anymore. Chatting with guys or whatever I find it to be a total turn off if they send me a picture of their dick or ass. I’ve had a few casual encounters but again, not “fun”. When talking to other gay men I get a response of “oh you must be into x y z” or must have been doing this or that while in the closet. Whatever gets brought up I totally do not relate to.

I’ve been dating a guy for about a year and a half now and god bless him he’s been patient as fuck with me as I’ve been figuring this out and we’ve had an extremely one-sided sexual relationship that I benefit from (oral) but he says he doesn’t mind/likes it. He’s been wanting to try new/different stuff and I’ve given it a shot but it is not fun to me at all.

Anyways, I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve been talking to a therapist for years and I feel like I’m still at square one. I don’t know or understand what I’m supposed to do about my sexuality and romantic or sexual relationships.