Jesus. I came here cause I didn’t wanna scrutinized by my therapist when I see her.

Anyway. I have a plan to have sex with a dude who is very very into the back end development of sex and from the beginning of our time together I told him it was off limits. But over time we kept talking about it and eventually I kinda caved after hearing excuse after excuse as to why I should try it. In fact. The main reason I ever agreed to doing it was cause I wanted him to like me and be satisfied but overall I feel like if I don’t do it he’s not gonna be satisfied and so I’m wondering… am I supposed to feel this way? Absolutely nothing has changed about my wants and I want to make sure I’m not accidentally get raped in the process of this situation. Even tho if prolly never call him out on it. But besides that. Should I even do it? Is this worth calling things off? Cause back end treatment is the one reason I don’t want to have sex with this dude. And I have hinted so many times I don’t want to do it and he just is ignoring it or not picking it up. I did technically agree but I still really don’t want to do it. Like I’m not excited and it’s almost making me dread having to have sex cause I just never wanted to do it in the first place. And I don’t know how to get to him to realize the way this is happening might not be the healthiest way to do things.

So any advice? I’m really lost. I feel like I should have the right to not to do this but I feel like I don’t have that right or else he won’t be happy. Even tho he’s known from the start I never wanted to do it. 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 please send help. I’m still new to sex and while I do trust him I would not do with any other guy. And if I felt like I could back out I’d do it in a fucking heart beat. Cause I’m just really not excited at all about it. But I agreed to it anyway. What do I do???

Please don’t be mad at me or him, I’m new and he’s… interesting.