I (29 M) joined FetLife a few weeks ago and yesterday remembered that a former coworker/still one of my closest friends (30 AFAB NB) told me a while ago that they used to have an account there. We’ve always had a flirty friendship with some sexual undertones - tbf, I’ve never been positive if they’ve been interested in me, and perhaps vice versa, but that’s for another day - so us discussing this kind of topic isn’t out of the ordinary for us, even now. Nevertheless, the last we talked about FL specifically must’ve been during lockdown at some point, and my friend said they were on it throughout their most recent relationship, which by that point had ended about a year prior.

Fast forward somewhere between 3-4 years to today. I would’ve had no clue what their account handle was, but they have a distinct account handle they use for most social platforms, so I entered it in the off-chance anything came up. Although I knew pictures could appear, I was more interested in what their bio might’ve said. There’s no active account now, and the only result that popped up was a photo of my friend in rope (but clothed) that their ex had posted long ago, so I proceeded to see if that was the only photo of them.

Unfortunately, I regret taking that step. This ex has maybe half a dozen photos in which my friend is identifiable and they are partially or fully nude - and in compromising kinky situations, in some cases - despite being separated for at least six or seven years now. Nothing I saw inherently disturbed me, but I know that my friend has since come to see this relationship as highly toxic, coercive and at times, abusive, and I know they wouldn’t approve of these photos being online if they knew they still were. They’re not posted in a revenge porn kind of way, but I don’t think my friend would want them online regardless, even if the only way to find them is to take the precise route I did.

There’s no way for me to tell them I know about the photos without admitting I searched for their potential profile, even if I didn’t mean to find what I did. But I feel incredibly torn, because I know my friend would be mortified to know these photos are even online. They may also be triggered by revisiting the photos or their contents, depending on how they view the relationship now (and I don’t know how much charge they still have around it, I admit). I can say with 100% confidence that I have no interest in seeing the photos again for my own personal agenda, as my friend quite honestly appears to be in a scene trance in most of them and is unrecognizable to me even if I wanted them not to be.

What should I do? How much should I tell them, if I’m able to get the photos taken down without involving them? Do I have an obligation to let them decide what to do with the photos, or is ignorance bliss? I’m not proud of my curiosity here, either, but if I can turn it into something that gets these photos off the internet, I’d like to do my part.