I (29 M, heteroromantic) don’t fit into boxes in general and I’m not seeking to. But I’ve found it incredibly difficult to date at times, because I don’t exactly espouse “masculinity.” I’m neurodivergent and most of my friends are LGBTQ and I have never felt comfortable in cisgender, heteronormative spaces, despite identifying as straight.

A recent speed dating event put this on full display. I actually wasn’t upset that no one wanted to partner with me - if anything, it supported the efforts I’ve made not to come across as toxicity masculine. At the same time, most of the room was, and the women present all gravitated to them without hesitation.

I have a hard time attracting the women I’d like to meet because even if they’re fellow feminists likewise dedicated to the same morals, many of them want a super dominant partner, especially in bed. And I’m dominant, but not in a degrading or overpowering way. Embodying anything more has always felt at least somewhat uncomfortable.

Hopefully the most recent paragraph explains why I’m posting this here and not in a dating sub. I date fine, but it doesn’t often lead to me finding optimal sexual partners. Does anyone have any advice for attracting more of the kind of partner that I’m hoping to find?