Ok, so I'm a male[36] and I've been with my gf[32] for about a year. Our relationship started off really rocky. My last relationship ended up with a narcissist who cheated on me a lot. Left me feeling terrible about myself. Her ex didn't want to have sex with her, and messed her up.

When we met, I thought we had a connection as we were talking almost all day everyday, and by how she was responding to me. I was being hesitant, watching out for red flags, but I knew I was interested in her. I started giving her hints, which in the past, women always picked up on.

I decided I was going to ask her out at a work function, but the night before, a coworker and someone I thought was my friend, told me they slept together. He knew I was interested in her because he and I had a conversation specifically about her where I told him I was. This info really messed me up. I never asked and never would have wanted to know.

Her and I hang out after work one night and she suddenly starts showing interest. I'm still interested in her, but I'm worried she's like my ex. After a month we end up having sex and becoming an item. I was emotional ally and mentally fine when we were just friends, but since then, I've been having many emotional and mental issues when it comes to her and sex. She also told me a lot of information about her and past experiences with other men(good experiences) that I didn't want to know and didn't ask for, which only reinforced a negative perception.

In every other aspect of our relationship, she's great and we have a strong and healthy bond. She's caring, loving, attentive, helpful, supportive, etc. The area of sex is the only area where I have issues. We've had many conversations about her and my ex friend and I know everything about her perspective and that time period in her life. I agree with her needs and decisions based on her position in life at that time, but the proximity with who she slept with is what infuriates me. It paints an unwanted picture, and knowing everything that happened makes it more visceral. It fills me with rage, turns me off, and makes me feel bad in all sorts of ways.

I've gone to therapy about it, and it hasn't helped much. I know why I feel what I feel, but I can't make it change. I've been able to distance the impact of the emotions, but they still exist.

When we have sex, thoughts and reminders of them come into my mind and I struggle to stay present. I sometimes have to dissociate/fantasize in order to enjoy and finish. I care about her, but I don't want to keep dealing with this.

I've thought of breaking up with her for months and going to find someone else to sleep with cuz everything else I've tried has been temporary and minimal improvement. I value my relationship ship with her, but I'm at a loss.

If anyone has ideas on how to help or what I should do, I'd really appreciate it.