A bit long, TW: SA...I (36F) had a positive HPV test along with pap showing CIN II earlier this year. I'd never heard of HPV before and hadn't been vaccinated. The HPV was not 16 or 18/45 and my doctor described it as "not a high-risk strain" (even though I can see it is technically listed as exactly that...just not the highest risk).

A colposcopy ended up removing all of the CIN II cells and then I had a LEEP that removed the remaining CIN I and normal cells on the cervix.

I was barely aware HPV counts as an STI and wasn't informed it can potentially impact men. The test was solely in the context of gynecological health and HPV is not one of the things screened for in a standard STI panel.

I started dating someone who moved to physical intimacy quickly (vigorous kissing on first date without asking consent; pulled my shorts down and had genital to genital contact against my wishes on second date, eventually forcing sex, etc).

My STI screening was clean and it didn't occur to me to share about HPV as my doctors hadn't mentioned anything about sharing with past/present/future partners.

When we did eventually discussed STIs (after i ignored the red flags and decided to date him anyway), I had had clear results so said I don't have any. And I went and got updated testing that week, all negative agajn, which I shared with him. He didn't even have any testing whatsoever to refer to, and he never tested despite me asking him to do so. He didn't strike me as particularly cautious in regards to sexual health.

I had the LEEP while dating him and told him exactly what it was for (removing pre-cancerous cells from my cervix), so definitely wasn't hiding anything. About a month after the procedure, he brings up what the cause was of the CIN II cells and I literally had to go look up what it was in my health portal. I shared openly that it was HPV. He got upset, went down the Google rabbit hole, etc. I said I didn't realize it affected men and my doctors hadn't educated me about sharing about it with partners. I said I was sorry and felt wrong for not sharing. I felt so crappy, he was angry and left.

He decided not to talk to me for a week even though I wanted to discuss with him and make sure he understood it wasn't something I purposely hid. End result, he broke up with me (but after a week of being ignored, I wasn't that interested in reconnecting anyway). I was really, really torn up about this but thanks to my therapist am processing and moving on.

I don't even know if the HPV was still active when he and I were intimate. It's not like I have symptoms from it...

QUESTIONS: I would really like to know from everyone if/how you all share about present HPV diagnoses with new partners? Do you share that you had a previous positive HPV test even after you test negative? Can HPV be passed through kissing? How and when do you bring this all up with a new partner?

I also understand from reading all about HPV recently (because I really didn't look into it back when it was first found) that it can go dormant and it could reactivate and you wouldn't even know it until whenever your next pap smear is. And it's not even clear if it can be shared when dormant? And most sexually active adults get at least one strain in their lifetimes? And condoms don't protect against it although they do reduce the transmission risk. (I've been on an education roll since my now ex said it's actually a risk to men, too). Do you have any other relevant info?

My PCP, when I asked her recently after the break-up, said there's no need to disclose HPV to partners. I think most people disagree at this point given the slim but potential risk to men and the risk to their possible future partners. What do you think?

Thanks.