I [34M] have been having sex with my wife [36F] for about 4 years now. When we started out, it was very difficult for me to orgasm during sex. We could go for 90 minutes without a result. I know the reason at the time; it was my masturbation style. Not death grip - ever since my teens, I would lie prone on the bed and grind against it. Kind of embarrassing, but that's what it is.

Over time, we settled into a routine, and it worked. Missionary, butterfly, cowgirl, doggy, then finish up sliding from doggy to laying down face down, sometimes with pillow support. Occasionally we'd mix it up, but it was this position that was most similar to masturbation, and was the only way I could cum during sex. But things were getting better. I started being able to climax in doggy.

But in recent weeks/months, it's been a total reversal. It's become a challenge to climax at all, even while masturbating, which these days I might try only a few times a month. It feels like I cannot concentrate at all.

My mind wanders to anything and everything. My job. My second job. The headboard squeaking. If my mother-in-law can hear us going at it. Baby names. The fact that we haven't talked about baby names despite my wife really wanting a baby. The fact that I don't think I'm gonna cum this time. That kind of stream of consciousness.

This could be related, but I also run out of breath quickly and often when having sex. I don't think I'm out of shape. I'm underweight and recently pulled a 36min 5k run. I feel like cardio shouldn't be an issue here. I'm able to maintain an erection even when out of breath and out of concentration. I really think it's all a psychological issue.

I want to be able to tell my wife to chill and let me relax, but she is baby crazy, "biological clock is running out" and is very intent that we have sex on specific days in her cycle, even if I'm mentally exhausted.