I feel digusting for being attracted to women

Hey bros I'm facing a problem that I've talked to some people about but still feel. I'm a feminist and I would say sex postive and progressive. But when it comes to myself I feel so gross when I think a girl is hot.

I feel like she will know I'm attracted to her and she will become uncomfortable. I sometimes want to engage in casual sex or really any sex but often I judge myself for it. I view myself as creepy and that if I were to express to someone that I think they're hot I would be like every bad guy I see online or in real life. The guy that doesn't care about women's consent. Guys that would make girls feel unsafe.

I have an anxious mind so often I overthink everything. "Maybe she thinks im staring at her? I should look away. If I walk behind her she will think I'm staring/being creepy. I should go the other way. I should put my phone in my pocket so she doesn't think I'm taking pictures of her." Etc insane thoughts that I know are dumb but leave me feeling really bad.

I was with a female friend that I consider one of my best friends and I thought for a second that she looked cute. My mind quickly went to "So your one of those guys that lies about being friends only to have other motives." I basically from then on gaslight myself into thinking I didn't find her attractive because I was so scared that I was a bad person. I know this sounds stupid but has anyone thought like this? How do I stop? I want to embrace my sex drive and not be so scared.