Hello all,

Just a heads-up that this post is a bit of an unorthodox one, though is ultimately related to sex. It's also going to be quite long as I have something of a habit of not knowing when to shut up.

I have very recently been going through a very difficult time and while I have talked to some people here on Reddit regarding my woes and received some truly fantastic and insightful advice about specific things, my mind is still all over the place and I feel a little bit lost.

Ok, so now to the juicy stuff.

I'm a 29 year old Man, from England and I also happen to be a virgin.

My virginity is not something I outright opted for in anyway and due to an affliction involving Gential Warts derived from hereditary HPV, I have not had any kind of sexual relations, let alone a relationship with a woman.

I have only recently gotten treatment for the warts, which is underway (the largest ones have been removed and I'm due to get the rest removed by freezing them off soon), but during the consultation at the Dermatology clinic, it transpired that I had been repeatedly misdiagnosed with milia (milk spots) for years on end, having not been referred/put through for treatment by multiple NHS doctors.

To add insult to injury, when I explained the treatment to my Mother, who was aware that I had these "spots" on my penis since the age of 9, she just nonchalantly brushed it off and dropped the clanger that it must've been the HPV she had when I was born.

I feel devastated, rather let down and in all honesty have panicked a great deal about the situation.

With that being said, that's merely the context from which my ongoing dilemma is derived and thanks to some tremendously understanding and helpful people I have chatted to on here in prior posts (each with their specific component of issue to be resolved) I do know feel a bit better and have actually received far more helpful and constructive advice than any quack Doctor has given me in 20 years (aside from the bloke who I recently got treatment for, he actually set this all in motion after all).

Anyway, I'm rambling. Back to the point.

I have a number of issues, going forward and thinking ahead to dating, relationships and sex.

Now, it is worth stating from the outset that when it comes to the sex side of things, I will be honest and open about everything I have just mentioned to any prospective partner and will only ever consider having relations with them once a) all the warts have been removed and have been gone for some time and 2) Once I'm given the all clear at a sexual health clinic and have tangible proof. Perhaps I'll frame said proof in certificate form on the wall for all my house guests to see!

I want to be safe and considerate, as I don't want anyone else, let alone someone I actually care for, having to contend with this horrible affliction. It really does ruin lives.

Now, once all that has been taken into account, I still find myself confronted with multiple quandaries.

1) I'm working really hard to be more positive and confident with woman. The funny thing (without trying to sound too massively big-headed) is I am actually a really outgoing person who finds it easy to engage with others/strangers and enjoys being around people.

My issue here lies in that I fear (and it kind of has based off the 5 dates I have been on in my life) that I'll completely crumble when it comes to going beyond being flirtatious. When it comes to touching, fully demonstrating my sex appeal and especially being seductive. I know all too well that it's not something that you can just hastily put together on the spot and I really do fear that I will not/never be viewed by anyone as being sexualy appealing. Attractive maybe, but not actually appealing sexually and I don't want to be the "good enough" option for anyone.

2) I have always been very down about the whole thing, but now in the past couple of weeks (hence why I'm posting about this topic like a madman as of late) I am actually feeling very sexually frustrated.

More than ever I'm getting pissed off about very minor things and even crushed a kit kat in my hand in the corner shop earlier when I was stuck behind a loved-up couple at the till.

My genuine fear is that I may come accross as pedantic, or even extremly self-doubting with a prospective partner. I won't know until the moment and I like to think that I'd be able to find someone who is very understanding of my plight.

Nonetheless, I'm ashamed to admit that the whole nature of sex and relationships can make me extremely emotional. I don't even like being around my younger brother and his wife whenever they're being all lovey dovey and pretty much walk-out of conversations/interactions with people whenever either love is on display, or sex is discussed. Pathetic I know, but that's just me. -_-

3) This may sound quite rich all things considered, but I'm not at all willing to lower my standards for woman.

We all have our preferences and I would argue that while I don't have a particular type and have generally quite ecliptic tastes, I will not make any kind of concessions on some of the core things I'm looking for (nothing too out there, I can assure you). Attraction both physical and personality-wise are of vital importance and we would need to share the same basic values of course.

I'm also well aware that certain individuals can change your prospective, as the only person that I have ever been in love with was someone I didn't even find that attractive initially. She just grew on me to the point that it developed into an attraction.

What I'm saying is this though, I do fear that my arguably rigid and uncompromising standards will make it so that all the (what I perceive to be) best woman are already taken, or at least in very limited supply, or even more likely, will find my lack of experience and general incompetence in all things romantic and sexual to be huge red flags. This has turned off woman before, even if it's just something offhandedly mentioned by a friend after work down the pub. That stuff really gets to me and plays havoc on the mind.

I will not just go for anyone and I don't see why I should after all this waiting. I'm sorry if I do come across as arrogant, but it is a genuine concern I have. I will not just "settle" for someone as I'd be wasting both our lives away.

4) I have a genuine, deepest fear of not living up to her standards. Should I meet a woman I'm compatible with, perhaps my greatest fear is this.

I may somehow be able to woo her with my questionable attempts at humour, by sweeping her off her feet with romantic getaways, lot's of little things to remind her that I truly desire her and providing an unrivalled sense of sanctuary in my arms . . . . but when it comes to sex I will almost certainly be a massive let down.

Sex (so I hear) does have quite the learning curve and I would feel quite bad for putting her in the position of having to teach me a few things and no doubt that can be quite immaculating in it's own way. The thing is, I do want to make upnfor lost time and be quite adventurous in the bedroom too.

All that I can actually get passed I think, but I dread her comparing me to the ex's she's inevitably had and with me not getting any younger (almost 30 remember) my most athletic and nimble years are hurriedly escaping me.

I like to think that I would be quite experimental in the bedroom and do anything (within the confines of strict monogamy) to please my partner, but I truly dread disappointing her and having her think to herself "of all people, how did I end up with him?".

5) My final concern and believe me I feel really, really shitty about this one, so do feel free to criticise . . . I desire (not necessarily want) but desire at least a few partners to try things out with.

Not all at once of course, but let's be honest here, most people have had at least a few sexual partners in there time and despite all the baggage that may come with, they at least get to have had a bit of variety on that front.

I'm a massive hypocrite in this regard as ultimately I want to be with someone truly remarkable and be with that same individual and only her for the rest of my life. I am pretty certain that all outside desire will go once I find this mythical woman who (presumably after escaping her psych ward) will see something in me and decide to give things a shot and while

I am very much put off by promiscuity and polyamory and find cheating to be an abhorrent act, I can't quite shake the desire to date different woman and after a reasonable amount of time properly getting to know them, perhaps taking things to the next level, even if it was just 2, or 3.

I know, I'm a shithead for this, but I'm just telling you all how it is.

Aside from all the aforementioned though, I'm positively raring to go and really eager to venture out there and seeing who I can meet and what I can find.

If somehow you have read this far, thank you for sticking with these meandering musings of mine, your patience is beyond admirable.

Just based off everything I have mentioned here, any insights, advice, or even counterpoints would be most appreciated.

As you can probably all tell, I'm clueless with the world of relationships, dating and sex and am just (at long last) embarking on this journey of discovery.

Any input is most appreciated.

Cheers guys!