So, I did go through some (minor) trauma at 11 that's affected me big time when it comes to sex, hence why I identify as fully asexual, and why I believe I'll be single forever (not a problem for me tbh since ik it's not for me, If a guy wants sex)...

I however am sadistic, and have always preferred to be a "top". I've rpd before when I was a teenager, and when there were sex scenes, I'd be a top, and never understood the appeal of being a bottom.

I found it boring... this is how I got a bi bf, who thought I was a guy at first before meeting me because of this, and when I've rpd w girls (topping them), it was the hottest thing ever.

Ig the simplest solution would be to be a lesbian, since girls want tops, and I also get turned on by girls all the time (objectify them even), however I'm religious, so I simply can't. I view it as sin and a bad flaw of mine....

So instead I'd love to be w a guy that either doesn't want sex at all, or who would let me fuck him (w a strap on), hit him (bdsm), but also take care of him (as in me being loving, cooking for him and keeping the house clean)... I don't really want to be penetrared or dominated though .... any guys out there who would like that? Or is this something non existent..?