Hey there!

I should start off with stating that I (23/f) was dating a dude for almost 7 years – we got together when I was 15 and he was 17, and we broke it off when I was 22, him being just turned 24. We were both each other’s first ones – spiritually, emotionally, and sexually, as well.

I have always admired girls and women – I think bodily they are so much more bautiful and charming… But somehow, growing up in quite a classical, conservative family, I just had to turn to guys.

Now, I am officially single for almost two years. During this time I got over my shy and introverted nature and I fucked another dude – I was 22/23 and he was 48/49. A big age gap, yes, but after the experienced breakup I thought I needed something more mature than guys in their twenties.

This year I decided to experience celibacy – I haven’t had sex, I have just kissed several people. Some of them were girls… And the more I restrain myself from having sex with anyone, the more I find myself thinking about having sex with girls, licking their pussies and being a complete slave to women.

Another thing about me – I can only get off while seeing pussies. Women masturbating. Women showing off their pussies. Women shaking their jugs. Women in any other form of activity that doesn’t involve any men or dicks. It has been this way since I can even remember myself. I NEVER reached orgasm while having sex with either of these two dudes, and, to get myself wet during the intercourse, I had to focus on the thoughts of pussies.

Am I a closeted lesbian? Or maybe I have just had the worst experiences with dudes?

P.S. Yes, I NEVER reached orgasm while having sex, but I ALWAYS faked it – so my boyfriend or the other dude can feel good about themselves.

P.P.S. I am extremely shy and introverted, and also very self-conscious about my body. I have a nice ass but I am almost completely flat-chested, and, since I myself enjoy the sight of nice, big boobies, my own body is just making me miserable.