i have been sexually assaulted before. most women i have spoken with in my life have also been sexually assaulted or raped in some way. for a long time i have not deigned to approach anyone because i realize i view sex as something inherently immoral. that it leads to nothing but pain.

it feels almost impossible to think that people can actually have positive sexual experiences. i have had one that i thought was positive, but then i came to realize how much i had been coerced into it by the other person asking me constantly to have sex with her despite the fact that i told her no at first. i told her i only wanted to have sex with someone that i was in a relationship with and she put on a whole act that she loved me and wanted to be my girlfriend, asking me to have sex with her until i finally agreed. then after it was over, she became completely cold and i never saw her again

ive had and heard of so many negative instances of sexual contact that i can't even imagine what a positive sexual relationship would look like. there are so many ways to use sex to hurt someone...rape, assault, coercion, infidelity, revenge porn, so many horrid things. i don't want to end up anywhere in any of those toxic situations any more than i already have, but i also recognize that it's not supposed to feel that way. it's supposed to be something normal and good. it's supposed to have health benefits and be like a bonding activity. that's how i want to view it. i would like very much to have a positive sexual experience but i don't know where to start in unraveling these feelings of mine