TDLR: fiancé and I have had sex 5-6 times this calendar year. He says it’s because we’re busy so he’s prioritizing time together vs intimacy. I understand but I still would like to be more intimate.

I (29F) have been engaged to my fiancé (37M) for 5 months. Been together 18 months but been friends for nearly 5 years. We work so well together. We have great but demanding careers and are very supportive of one another. We enjoy each other’s company and the same hobbies and activities.

This has been a crazy year. We bought a place and moved in together. We got engaged. He got a new job that has some crazy hours at times. I traveled a lot for work. Wedding planning. Family visits/trips. The stress of the world’s events. It has all a lot this year, but we’ve handled it together and well, or so I thought.

The thing that’s fallen off is intimacy. It’s been since Memorial Day weekend (I think) since we’ve had sex and before that it had been three months- right after we got engaged. I always thought this was the time we’re supposed to be having so much sex, not less. I’ve made some propositions recently, mentioned how much I miss having sex, suggesting it when we’re on the couch, etc. he’s not really responded. I started to wonder if it was me- I’ve gained a bit of weight (5ish lbs) so maybe he doesn’t find me attractive anymore? Maybe moving in together ruined the mystique?

I was starting to lose sleep over it so I talked to him yesterday. He assured me it was nothing about me, it’s just about how busy we are and how stressed he is. He values time together more than physical touch, so he’s putting more of an emphasis on that. He apologized for neglecting me but I assured him it was okay, I just wanted to know if something was wrong. He also said he had been living alone for so long and that last year before we lived together it was his space we always were intimate in, so he was more comfortable and at ease.

I don’t want intimacy to feel like a chore for him, but I do want us to start reconnecting in that way better. Any advice?