Hey... throwaway account, because I just feel like pouring my heart out. Sorry on advance.

I'll try to make it brief: I am suffering, because I feel sexually unsatisfied. But at the same time, I barely feel any sex drive or motivation to actively search for sexual encounters. Even with romantic partners, I am hesitant and they are mostly the ones to initiate.

Furthermore, I am very confused as to what actually turns me on. For masturbation, I have some pretty outlandish fantasies that turn me, but which I would never want to act out in real life. But at the same time, this makes "normal" sexual encounters feel stale fairly quickly. Some of the people around me are very much into BDSM/kink, which I feel very insecure and uncomfortable about - but at the same time, I am jealous of them. They have found their niche and are able to play out their sexuality freely and without any of the stuff I am struggling with...

I am just so confused and I want to understand myself. I have contemplated the possibility of being ace or graysexual - but it doesn't feel right to me, because I WANT to have a good sex life - I just don't feel like it, if that makes any sense?

Primarily, I am just looking for a term to describe what I'm feeling or for other people who feel like this...