I'm a divorced guy (46) with several psychological issues (depression, overthinking, in therapy for the last 2 years).

My girlfriend (31) told me once that she had sex with her ex under influence of cocain, sometimes mdma and it was an experience out of this world which one cannot describe. She stopped that long time ago. She also tells me all the time that our sex it the best she had ever with anyone.

I have a tendency to overthinking and asked her, how it's possible than our sex is the best and she cannot describe the feelings during chemsex? Will I ever be able to top this? I don't think so.

I offered her to buy some of the substances but I have never taken anything like this in my life and she stopped long time ago and she doesn't want it anymore. She has a job where she must complain 100% to the law.. Also because I'm almost 50 and she is afraid that I will have a heart attack or something.

I have the urge to really have the best sex with her... but how can I make it better if it's not possible.... I don't expect any answers... it's just in my head...