I guess I just need to vent here. For the first time today, I (30F) got the common but always dreaded text. Or rather, a current partner did. Someone he had sex with not long before we hooked up tested positive for gonorrhea, so we might both be at risk. I’m gonna make an appointment to get tested tomorrow but in the meantime, I can’t stop thinking about it. Not really because of the risks for my health, but I’m judging myself so much.

I heard many similar stories before and, being sexually active, I knew it was an option at some point. But I’m just feeling so ashamed somehow. Like it’s my punishment for enjoying sex, being too open about it, or whatever my overthinking, anxious brain can come up with.

Has anyone felt like that before ?

To add some context, I’m quite safe when it comes to sex : got tested in November and do that regularly, always use condoms for penetration, just not for oral which is a calculated risk I discuss with my partners beforehand. They also get tested often, at least according to what they tell me, and I usually get to know people enough to be able to trust them (which is still not foolproof ofc).

I am also polyamorous and I’m supposed to see another partner this weekend. This date is much awaited from both sides and if I don’t have results by then and need to explain why we can’t have sex, I’m so scared of being judged and rejected, even though he so doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would do that 🙈

[Edited for clarity]