Been with my bf(35m) 7 months. We have a pretty good sex life I think. In the beginning he was very good with communication, finding out my likes, learned how to get me off. We talked openly about kinks and have covered a lot of territory. Playing with restrictive measures, choking, rough sex, outdoor sex, filming. He asked me what I was into and I shared that I was curious about bdsm. We have tried toys. But I’m starting to realize a lot of these conversations were initiated and lead by him. I realize I have done little to discover if he actually ENJOYS any of these things. I know he’s into exhibitionism, but it’s a harder one to fulfill. From day 1 he’s been more rough in bed which I like, and he tends to act very dominant but identifies as a switch. I want to open discussion and find out what HE actually likes and enjoys vs if he’s just doing these things to please me. When I ask him little things like “how do you want me to ride you” he just says however you like.

TLdr; Lately I have been more focused on fulfilling my bf’s desires, and realize a lot of our discussions have been about things I like. I don’t even know if he actually enjoys tying me up. I want to make sure his needs are met, and wonder if he desires a more submissive role and break from being in charge. How can I initiate this discussion? When is a good time, before, after, during sex? Random time of day?

Examples of what to say appreciated!