If you want more details you can look at my history, but we are both desensitized to normal sex with each other. I'm willing to admit it but she won't. She is however the only one looking at porn and masturbating on a regular basis. We tried spicing things up and being more open. Because of things we did and said I developed a 'hotwife' kink. We started having sex like when we first met and it was better and loved all that but she was bothered that it was only because we were fantasizing about involving other people. She never actually had sex with another guy but came fairly close. The circumstances around that caused problems.

When I really thought about why I was into this it stemmed from insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. Mainly my performance anxiety in awkward situations. She originally brought up me watching her fuck another guy when I reminded her of this while we were discussing a MFM threesome. I decided I'm not okay with being aroused by these negative feelings and quit fantasizing about it, reading about it, and talking about it and after 2 weeks I'm more or less over the idea. I brought up the abstinence idea but I feel like we both need it, her probably more than me because she is the only one watching porn and mastubating. When it comes to mastubation I especially don't like her using a vibrator. We have issues with trust though, so I can only know what I'm doing or not doing. I don't really trust her to stick to it.

I want this to be the first thing we tried to improve our sex life. I would be open to other things if that didn't work. She has a problem being open and honest with me about certain things and feel like a counsellor that we could both talk to separately would be beneficial. I have reservations about anyone advertising as 'sex positive' because it brings to mind images somebody trying to get off by living vicariously through us at the expense of our relationship. I don't want a complete prude either. I want to try my idea and go from there. And I know from knowing her I need an intermediary that she will be more open to discussing things she knows will make me mad or disappointed. So have you or would you try this? Would both be open to it? How much did it improve sex?