I hate saying this because I always feel like the slut that cried wolf, but I have a long history of sexual abuse and sexual assault. I've never had consensual sex. I don't wanna get into the details, but I've never been in a situation where I've had sex I gave consent for. I've spent years wondering if I'm on the asexual spectrum because sex has never been enjoyable for me. Like, yeah, I've had orgasms with partners before, but emotionally I always felt really shitty during and after sex. I didn't recognize that I've never given consent until recently in therapy, and my therapist asked me if I'm asexual, or if I've just never enjoyed sex before because it wasn't consensual. So I guess I'm wondering, does feeling safe during sex make it feel better? Is sex more enjoyable when it's something you want? Does consent make a difference in how good it feels? If this seems like a stupid question, please be kind, I don't have a ton of experience and the experience I have has been negative. Will sex feel as good as people say it does when it's something I actively want to do? Will I stop feeling shitty afterwards?