Thought I would post this here to see the response

So my wife (girlfriend at the time) really struggles with a mfm threesome we had when we first got together.

We were on and off all the time and I was a bit of nightmare I.e cheating when we first got together she had just got out of a bad relationship of 9 years i on the other hand was only very young. I was 17 she was 25.

Because I knew how much she cared about me I basically didn’t care but also didn’t realise I loved her horrible I know

I have since made up for this and we’ve been together for 12 years since all this and are happily married

Anyway I was round a friends house one night and she was at home and my best friend at the time went to hers to see me this was a common occurrence and I never had any reason not to trust her when my friend was texting me saying some different things I don’t really remember and then mentioned sleeping with her I just said crack on pal she’s nothing to me then a few more texts probably weren’t the nicest from me but I was young then he text saying she wouldn’t do it without me she was then texting me and I asked are you game for this and she was texting yeah yeah I was like really? She said no but be daft and I said well I’ll be fuming if I come all the way round there and you don’t so she agreed again I know bad on my part but my friend was texting me and she was and I wasn’t really thinking about my words.

She said she only agreed to this because she didn’t want me to be upset with her and thought it’s what I wanted.

We have both struggled with this for years.

Anyway I get there and she’s in a dressing coat and just her underwear underneath it started pretty quick and he started to touch her I was sat on the other side of the couch and I don’t really remember at the time but she said she kept closing her legs and she beckoned me over and starting kissing me then spreading her legs to allow him to touch her, i knew at that point this was a mistake but didn’t have the courage to stop it because while she’s thinking I wanted this I was thinking she did and have always had low self esteem and thought my friend (who I always thought was better looking) thatshe wanted to fuck him

I remember it slightly different to her so next came to me touching and then I thought she proceeded to blow me first but she thinks she started with him, I then bent her over and started to fuck her I came within a few minutes as soon as I finished I pulled my trousers up and watched her climb on top of him again I remember her riding him cowgirl she said it was reverse cowgirl anyway I just left didn’t speak nothing I got to my car and burst into tears with so much regret I can’t explain again I never realised I loved her because I had experienced love before she said she was on top for a couple of minutes and when I left she got off immediately and told him to leave I have always had a different image in my head but I do trust that she is telling the truth not that it helps the intrusive thoughts.

She cried and I cried and we immediately regretted even my friend who is normally the type to brag about who he’s smashed etc never mentioned it or not to my knowledge but I’m not sure if this was because he put a lot of pressure on me and her and felt guilty or just because of how hurt me and her were.

I have since had therapy for numerous reasons and it showed me that whilst I was young I shouldn’t blame myself everyone has different experiences and nothing we did was wrong or disgusting etc my therapist said I wasn’t to blame but I feel like I am because if I hadn’t said I would be fuming she wouldn’t have felt like she had to do it. Since my therapy I was forced myself to watch porns that remind me of it and now the thought of her doing that turns me on and to be honest all the 18 videos I watched are of her past experiences all that she has told me she thinks I’m weird for this

She has always blamed herself but I’ve told her she’s innocent in all this and needs to forgive herself she was in a bad placed and wanted to make me happy and she felt immediately in disgust of herself and has ever since

I need to help her get through this how can I do this?