I’ve had this attraction towards older men (10 years older than me) for an incredibly long time. Which isn’t bad on it’s own, and definitely isn’t unobtainable, but I am dating a 23 year old man. I love him a lot, we met on Reddit in 2020, and started dating in mid 2021. He’s been through everything with me and we’ve grown so much since we’ve met and have grown together so beautifully. He takes time to learn what I want in bed, what makes my brain shut off and allows my body to feel good. He takes care of me, as much as I take care of him and I can’t imagine someone who could support and love me more than him. He’s genuinely the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

When we first met, I told him I was polyamorous and that was something I needed for a healthy relationship, and in the beginning he was pretty understanding about it. I hadn’t found anyone I connected with romantically, and it wasn’t something I was hellbent on making happen. It was more an “if it happens, it happens”. As time went on, and with a lot of communication and hours of negotiating, we eventually came to terms with our relationship to be monogamous, and I wasn’t necessarily happy about it, but I also respect his desires and needs. It wasn’t a choice that I thought would diminish my happiness, and it so far hasn’t. Except for my need to talk to and get attention from older men.

I’ve tried calling my partner Daddy, but it doesn’t really suit him. He’s absolutely gorgeous and stunning, but he isn’t old enough and definitely isn’t paternal enough to register as a “Daddy” in my brain. I’ve explained this to him, and I explained how I constantly crave the affection and warmth of guys who are older, and have for many many years. Today, I broke down about it and told my partner I’ve been talking to older guys online, many of which who’ll see this post, and I apologize for pretty much ghosting. I was ready for him to break up with me, and honestly I deserve it. But instead he talked to me about what he could do to help me, even though he is angry with me and disappointed.

We talked for a couple hours, and with some negotiating came up with a set of rules for me to follow, as well as punishments for breaking said rules. This was something that we briefly talked about, but never fully flushed out until now. For me personally, having a set of rules to follow makes everything easier. If I do something bad, instead of wallowing in it and letting it fester and eat up inside of me for days and weeks at a time, he’ll give me a punishment. I’m not allowed to hurt myself, only he can hurt me, but he won’t harm me. And per my request, I want him to strike me for each guy I talked to. There’s a few other good rules he put in, maybe I’ll post them later in an update.

Him doing this for me has made my heart absolutely swell, he really hates violence and tends to lean more on the vanilla side of living. I’m honestly so lucky that I’ve met this man and I want to be with him more than anything in this world. I can’t stand hurting him any longer, and it the hopes of turning a new page, what is the best way for me to ignore my fetish for older men?

tldr: My boyfriend is 23, and I have a fetish for older men, we are monogamous and he is amazing, what do I do to minimize this fetish?

EDIT: I’m into BDSM! A lot! Especially TPE, as well as controlled pain. I am not asking my partner to abuse me! This is a negotiable contract.