First, I am not addressing couples whose marriage are truly on the rocks and there are a lot of problems. That’s going to need counseling, really good counseling. You cannot expect sex while the two of you hate each other. And of course I’m not speaking to couples who have physical issues that are preventing sex such as lady problems or erectile dysfunction, and the like. Those are medical issues that must be addressed by doctors or experts. And by the way, I am not a sex therapist, or an expert on sex, but I’m just offering my opinions to y’all about my experiences. And I’m looking for interaction from both sexes on what they think the barriers are to sexual intimacy and how to break them down. Let’s have a little back-and-forth.?

Oh, I will get the balls rolling (pardon the pun) by starting this off with my recent experience. My wife recently told me that I have turned her into a sex maniac! Music to my ears! She wants me all the time now! I seriously mean that! I might have a hard time keeping up with her! This all happened just in the last month. Prior to that we had only had sex 2 times in the last two years. A lot of that had to do with stress in our lives, my wife’s mother dying and moving three times in the last two years. But it also had to do with the fact that we are in our 50s and my wife started having dryness issues. She went to doctors to try to get some help but nothing was working but then I fixed her that’s right I fixed her. Prior to this we could not have vaginal sex where I penetrate her because it was too painful. But, I had this personal theory that if you don’t use it, you lose it.

I thought maybe her dryness issues are because we aren’t having sex, she’s not getting turned on, and she wasn’t masturbating either. So… on Valentine’s Day of this year (I know, right? Of all days?) I decided to buy her some toys which she had never used because I wanted to spice things up. I knew I could not have vaginal penetration sex with her. But I was bound and determined to give her an orgasm, even if it meant nothing for me. I had decided I did not want to grow old without having sex with her! It was simply unacceptable! When we talked about this yesterday, we realized we each had preconceived notions about what the other person was thinking. I was thinking she doesn’t want sex because it hurts. She was thinking… I did not value her, I did not love her, and because I couldn’t penetrate her without it being painful for her, that it wasn’t worth my effort to be loving toward her. We do a lot of damage in our relationships when we do not really talk to each other and most importantly, listen to one another!

So I got my toys, her toys. I told her that evening to not worry about me penetrating her. I wasn’t going to even try. She got a sad look on her face. I said this is all about you I want to make you feel good! She got a smile on her face! She had trouble getting wet, thus the dryness. At first, though, I just started gently caressing her all over, with very light touching. I started kissing her back, (I am spooning behind her and we are both naked at this point) kissing her neck, and gently running my fingers through her hair scalp. I then gently ran my hand and fingers lightly down her body, down her legs, coming back up and getting close to her pussy but not touching it. I had set aside TIME for this and let me emphasize TIME here fellas! We all know women are slower to arousal than men are. But do we really set aside the time to do this? Do we set aside enough time? Or is it just that five minute period & then you’re ready to stick your cock in! I fundamentally changed how I show love and affection to my wife. It has changed our life completely, and that is no over-exaggeration! I remember that line from the movie Shrek where the donkey says… “ look, you love this woman, don’t you? Do you want to hold her?! Do you want to please her! Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness!” Donkey was spot on!

To make a long story short here, after five or six days of doing this, my wife was as wet as she got in her 30’s! I did not try to do anything but turn her on for five days straight. And by that fifth day, I was able to penetrate her with a little bit of lube. By the third time we had penetration sex, I did not even need the lube ! To my my surprise, she started making her own lubrication.! No, I didn’t just do this in the confines of the bedroom. I literally did it every moment I could. I would also text her things at work. I would say how I want her. I would tell her things like, I love every curve of your body, I loved it last night when you came, and you were looking me in the eyes and smiling! I told her I loved eating your pussy and you taste so good! I was bound, and determined to get our engines going. I’ll tell y’all more if you have questions but let’s hear from you guys!