Hello, I'm a 34m dating a 34f. I'm concerned (enough that I'm considering seeking a sex therapist) my relationship is less than a year old but it's great, she's great, she's patient, understanding and very very open sexually. However due to a previous long term relationship where a ton of negative associations with sex were established, I find it difficult to want to have sex with my partner, and I find it easier to have sex with non romantic partners (we are open). I love my partner and when we do have sex it's great, but. I find that I don't want it often, and I hardly initiate it which is a wild turn around from how I used to be.

A little backstory on the previous relationship. Sex was frequent and often then one day it just stopped, completely. We'd have sex maybe once a month, if I initiated she'd usually turn me down aggressively, as if I'd offended her leading me to feel guilty. When we would have sex, she would either stop in the middle and cry inconsolably about how she doesn't want to have sex. Or she'd stare off as if she were trying to put herself anywhere else but the moment. It felt coercive and I felt dirty, as if I forced her in to sex. Often when I'd try to talk to her about it, I'd constantly tell her. I don't want to have sex unless she wanted to, and it's okay if we didn't. But still those things would happen. Eventually I stopped wanting to have sex as well and we didn't, sex felt wrong. I'd feel anxious about whether we'd actually have sex or stop in the middle or if she even wanted to in that moment, to the point I couldn't even maintain. There's more that happend but those are the highlights. Since we broke up, in the last few years I've had other sexual partners and dated briefly and those anxieties were always present. Now, that I'm in a relationship that feels like it'll be long term, I find it difficult to want to have sex with her, to initiate, to even ask, there these moments now where past me would have taken her. We spend a weekend together recently and only had sex once. It's unlike me. But I've seen my fwb the other day and initiating with her feels so much easier. I can't understand why, is it because I've associated negative feelings to sex with a romantic partner? Is it because I've had to disconnect the idea of sex with my romantic partner in the past? Has anyone been in a similar situation. How did you cope? How did you overcome? I love my partner so much and I want to please her, I want to match that energy with her like I would have in the past.

Sorry if this was all over the place, I'll try to clear up any confusion where I can

Tl;Dr due to negative sexual experiences with a long term partner, I find it difficult to have sex with my current partner and find it easier to initiate and be sexual towards my fwb who I have no romantic feelings for. Any one else deal with this?