I (32F) feel hopeless. I'm in my 30s and still cannot talk to guys I'm attracted to. I become a nervous wreck. My heart beats fast and I can’t think straight. I’ve never learned to talk to guys I like or gradually get to know them. I never learned to deal with the period of uncertainty before you know how they feel about you. In the past, I’ve only ever met guys online or hooked up with them at parties. I’ve never once got to know or talk to someone I’m attracted to first. I realize it's been to my detriment as casual sex is bad for me bc I become so emotionally attached. So I stopped doing that. Now I want to learn to talk to and get to know someone first but Idk how. I've gotten most of my shyness and have no problem talking to ppl I'm not attracted to-- I can even be outgoing and sociable.. but when it's someone I like, I feel like I become such an awkward weirdo who forgets how to talk!

When I crush on someone, I think back to the time when I was in middle school and sat next to my crush. I was so paralyzed by fear and thought he was so much cooler than me that I didn't talk to him despite being partners in science class. Then in high school I had a crush on this popular boy and told him that I liked him only for him to say "I'm sorry" and that he didn't want a relationship after his last one, but then he asked out the cooler, richer, much more popular chick to prom!

I think I have an inferiority complex due to growing up uncool, unpopular, and poor while living in a rich, privileged area. I felt like such a loser all my life. To make shit worse, I come from a rich, privileged, elitist family too, except for my parents who were the poor ones in the family. I always sensed a cold distance and aloofness from my extended family & never felt like they cared about me despite wanting to connect with them. I felt like I received that treatment all my life, from both my peers and extended family. I've been working on building my confidence but it's hard.

So I've had a huge crush on this guy who works at my gym for months. Even before going there to talk to see him I would feel so jittery and scared.. and the nervousness got in the way of being able to actually talk to him. Weeks ago, he initiated conversation with me and asked how I was when I walked in. We don't usually ask each other how we are, but I think he finally started to catch on that I liked him after all of the silly excuses I made to just talk to him and see him for a little bit longer. I didn't even reply! I was distracted by my loud music and how uncomfortable my heavy coat was. Since then I haven't had the chance to talk to him and i feel like I missed my chance. I'm mad at myself.

I don't want to live life with regrets anymore so I need to learn to just talk to guys I like. So how do you enjoy the process and be comfortable with it when just approaching them and being in their presence makes your stomach turn and heart race?