Nothing tears family apart like money.

I (25M) noticed something about myself in the past months - I became more greedy.

Back when I was unemployed, everytime I go to our city's local mall, I felt like I shouldn't belong there since I have no money, everyone around me those.

During that loss of money, me and my family learned the value of it no matter how little.

6 months after working, I no longer had that feeling of unbelonging. All the basic things like $5 (Not really in dollars, we live in South East Asia, I just conveyed it in dollars to give you a better idea of the worth in this post) foods and meals in restaurants I can now afford and enjoy them.

Now I became exposed to a different world where it made me want more things like perfumes, good looking clothes, and other luxurious things. You could say I got the symptoms of a social climber.

I became afraid of the future where I wouldn't be able to enjoy things like partying, clubbing, and other costly experiences because I am afraid that my body could not handle it anymore. I wanted to experience them now and I became angry everytime my family asked for more than $100 worth of monthly contribution because I want to experience all the things that makes me happy, try new things and at the same time, save.

I don't want to be too generous because I know my parents will secretly abuse the shit out of it. They know I have a weak conscience and will easily guilt me into giving what they want and then false promising me that God (they're religious Roman Catholics) will bless me because I gave in to them. Sometimes I feel guilty if I buy things I want instead of giving it to them.

My mind is messed up right now because of greed and generosity. And being angry and aggressive towards them stops them from being greedy themselves.

I want to draw a line.