I just want to vent a little about my recent experience. I am someone who is always looking to improve themselves in all aspects of myself.

I recently went through a breakup and during that relationship I was addicted to porn and weed. I had a very surreal experience a week ago with weed when I noticed how lonely I actually was. I broke down in my car with a joint in my hand and I threw it away as I had this realization of my loneliness and depression. All of my friends are either married, have kids or like the party lifestyle in which I don’t want to be a part of. I decided to throw all my weed away then and there. I haven’t touched it nor had the urge to smoke since then. This is big for me because I was a heavy smoker(3 times a day).

I also have been feeling so horny as of late. I go to the gym, I work, and I study for school yet I still somehow have this energy surging through me that doesn’t let me sleep. It feels like it’s running through my veins.

Jerking off and smoking used to help with my sleep or so I thought. I used to be very lethargic and sleep in until 10 am and still feeling sleepy. I now wake up at 5 or 6 am.

At times I feel that I am fighting off a demon when I’m this horny or energized.

It has given me new benefits though. I can see myself becoming more attractive and muscular but it’s just very hard to cope with the lack of sleep. I feel that I can run on no sleep at times but it does make me feel a bit light-headed during the day as I sometimes do doze off and cannot focus.

I also landed a date recently with a new girl that is very beautiful (probably the most beautiful girl I’ve dated yet) but I feel I may pre-cum in my pants just by holding her hand due to not ejaculating in so long (it’s been a whopping two months since I last jerked off! - I was a daily twice a day guy).

Anyways, this journey on self-improvement has been a painful one but it was well worth it. I do feel better about myself within and I do feel peace in my heart.

I just need to get some sleep!