Over the last 18 months I have really stepped into the self development world as I wanted to really build myself in university. I have adhd inattentive type but I don’t want to use that as an excuse as to why I fail because really, if I have the will I can change.

Anyways, I have come a long way but this semester I moved in with a couple of guys from my fraternity who have different mindsets to me. They smoke every night, waste their days, and at times I get pulled into their habits. Now I think I’ve formed some of theirs. I take stimulants for my adhd and at night I smoke a little weed to calm myself down for sleep. Once that happens, I begin to lean into their lifestyles. I eat like shit, go to bed late, and every day I wake up disappointed in myself from the night before.

I have a very good physique and work out extremely hard so I’m not getting any fatter from the shit food, but it really just fucks me up mentally for the next day to come.

I have a vision for what I want to be like but this cycle is delaying that drastically.

I want to stay true to my character and I know the weed is the problem but I use it to calm my mind after I crash.

I want to be someone to look up to, someone who strays from mediocrity, a beam of light for those who also want to change.

I have made miles of progress from last year, but I’m hitting a difficult plateau.

My self esteem is getting pretty fucked from this cycle tbh.

Any advice would be appreciated, and most likely is probably going to reinforce what I know I already have to do to keep the pedals moving.

TLDR: I wake up late, go to bed late, and hate myself for it every day because I go directly against what I want to change for myself.