I'm in the abusive marriage, even with a physical violence. But I can't brake it, because I'm trans woman, I'm in my late 30s, and I can't believe that I'll not be forever alone after it.

In real life, I hide the fact, that I'm trans (everybody thinks I'm just a woman) and hide physical violence in my marriage from my friends. I even used makeup to hide a bruise.How can I change my life?

Should I even change it in 2023, when it is so famous to hate trans people? I think, somebody can kill me during dating process, after coming out, especially because I'm passing as female. Also, I really don't like to make a coming out somebody. And it's another reason why it's so difficult for me to break our marriage. I hate fact, that I'm not a natural woman, and fact, that I can't bear, etc.My husband was not violent when we got married. It was no any abuse, at least our first 5 years together. Btw, he knows that I'm trans, but his parents are not.I have work, but not sure if it's enough stable - I think, I can lose it If I divorce, and will start to cry weeks and weeks instead of solving working tasks....

I think, my "price" in the dating market is about zero, because of age, because I'm trans. Fact, that I'm passing as female, means nothing, because half of mankind passing as female. And even this fact not helps me very well (but, my possible future BF can hide from his parents and friends fact that I'm trans. But not sure if he understands, that he can escape stigma in a case of stealth TW)

Also, I think, another problem is specific requirements for my possible future partner. I like clever men. From one hand, they're probably more often ready to be together with TW (like instead of 0.1% - a bit more, like 0.2% ready to date with TW), but in the another hand, they usually have much better options than me. I'm educated, but it's not very high value, probably men prefer stupid girls usually, even clever men. They can discuss intellectual topics with their friends, not GF. Also, I'm immigrant (in Canada) and it reduces my chances even more.

As a result, I can't start to change my life, because I don't believe I can improve it.