Brief bio about me. I'm male, mid 20s. I'm single and live alone presently. Family isn't really interested in me.

It seems like everything I've ever wanted to do, I can never find anyone interested in doing it with me. Perhaps it's exasperated by the fact I live in a small town. Perhaps it's because my social skills are quite terrible (clinically diagnosed with autism at age 8)

I always want my "friends" to hang out with me or do things with me but they don't seem to be interested unless it's something they want to do. Take a restaurant that just opened up and I want to try: I'll ask people but no one is interested. They're only interested if I offer to pay for them. And it really depresses me. Like severely.

I've come to believe that I'm not worthy of friendships when the person is not getting anything in return. Or worse, when they have to offer something up.

What I want most is to go on a vacation with someone. My family (who isn't supportive to begin with) is not interested nor are any of my friends. Unless of course I buy their hotel, plane ticket and everything else. Then they'd love to spend time with me. They'll be my best friend. All fake as shit. Maybe for an extra $50 they'll take a photo with me :D

I've had some conversations with people before and they always act like it's a joke. "Oh dude I'd totally pay people". The only people who say that are the ones who haven't done it. It sucks so much.

Now I know what you're going to say.

Trust me I know. You'll say

"You don't need anyone! Be your own best friend! Do it yourself! ☺️☺️"

That idea is so depressing to me. I'm relegated to solo status if I ever want to do anything. If I just want to hang out with friends and do what they want to do, then I'm fine. But I feel that's been my whole life. I've done nothing but things I never wanted to do just cause my friends were into it. There's not enough quotation marks in the world to put around "friends".

Please someone help me.