I've always wanted to KMS just because of all the burden, heavy thoughts and feelings and problems that I have. There are multiple times that I felt like the universe is giving me a reason to live on but the moment I felt like it's worth it to live, these reasons will be snatched away from me like it only gave me false hopes.

Today, I found myself to be in this situation again. I thought this is the time that my life would shift into something good. Heck, I even believed in God and his blessings for what's worth and yet here I am again, these hope was again snatched away from me. It's like wishing for something and you thought it's gonna be given since it's going that way but then destiny fucks you up like, "oops sorry, this is not for you." which fucking sucks.

I've always joked around that my maximum age is in the next 5 years and that i'll make sure that I won't live past that but now that I'm thinking about it and considering how fucked up my life is, I think this joke will turn into reality. More probably, gets more near.